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Final Destination (2000) - Death's Jigsaw Puzzle is So Much Fun

  T he Family Dollar a little bit of a trek down the street from me frequently sells DVD 4 packs of films, of which along the way I’ve picked up a couple: all the Burton/Schumacher Batman films and 4/5 of the Final Destination films which was like appointment viewing for me as a kid, I still remember seeing some of the later sequels in theater with friends as a teenager including 3 which I own and believe is the best of the bunch because it understands exactly what it is and constantly delivers. However, what I am reviewing today is the original film in the series. I don’t think this will particularly be one of my longer reviews cause I don’t have a whole lot that I can pick apart here. The writing and acting for some of the characters can be extremely one-note stereotype, like Kerr Smith as the high octane asshole for the entire film until the plot needs him in the stinger and Seann William Scott who in particular feels like he’s out of a totally different film tone wise as the come
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The Frighteners (1996) - Michael J. Fox's Lost Sitcom (Derogatory)

  I’ve had good luck recently with randomly picking films I thought I wouldn’t enjoy much but gave a shot and ended up really having a good time with, so I thought The Frighteners was a can’t miss prospect. I grew up the biggest Michael J. Fox fan and I worship the ground Jeffrey Combs walks on. Peter Jackson’s earliest films were all pretty good, I’d generally consider myself a fan of them, particularly Heavenly Creatures. It is billed as a horror-comedy, one of my absolute favorite subgenres to which many of my most beloved films belong. I genuinely believed I would at least mildly enjoy it despite its mixed reputation. Welp, I kind of hated it. The biggest thing for me is how broad, obvious, corny and often just outright cartoonish all of the comedy was. Outside of a couple performances, the acting throughout was like the most lowest common denominator sitcoms of the era and the film’s sense of humor shared this quality twofold. I found myself outright cringing at times at some of

Timecop (1994) - Kick Some Damme Ass in the Past

  Like many I’m sure, I can often spend an hour just browsing various streaming platforms available to me just trying to settle on one thing to watch. Sometimes more than an hour if I’m being honest. So sometimes I just simply have to put my foot down with myself and say “Okay, you’re just going to throw on the next thing that sounds remotely interesting for the next reason” with whatever streamer I’m on at the time. Well this time, I was on the Roku Channel, and for some reason the film that was chosen was Timecop. The first thing that’s notable is that they use my favorite cheapass stunt in 80s and 90s low budget time travel movies, which is setting it in the future so that the primary time travel is to the year the film was released so most of the time they don’t have to do anything to dress things up. Sometimes, such as Terminator, this device can be used quite effectively, most of the time though it is clearly pretty low effort like here. Jean-Claude Van Damme is a pretty awful

Saw IV (2007): Life (of a Sort) After Death

  Well it is that time. Saw IV. Huzzah. Okay it honestly isn’t that bad but like always, we start with what doesn’t work. While I believe in the last installment I complimented a once again returning Darren Lynn Bousman’s more varied angles and lighting choices, but a lot of this film is just pure garish yet somehow filthy neon lights, pukey greens and blinding reds. Likewise, this film has a couple of the most jarringly bad transitions I’ve ever seen a mainstream film attempt and the editing seems to have regressed back to seizure inducing standards of the first couple of movies. There are so much more law enforcement characters jammed into this film that its hard to really give a damn about any of them or their personal journeys, and a couple don’t even have names, just a random scene or two. While I appreciate that the well was starting to run dry on Jigsaw lore for the flashbacks but they couldn’t really lose that key aspect of the film, a melodrama about his happy-turned-tragic

Masters of the Universe (1987) - Cannon...Makes a Pretty Decent Film?

  Last year I bought a used copy of a DVD box set called The Bombs, Babes & Blockbusters of Cannon Films because I am totally fascinated by the story and products of Golan and Globus which gets told well in an excellent documentary (Electric Boogaloo: The Wild, Untold Story of Cannon Films) included in the set. However, other than said documentary, it has just sat on my shelf untouched and unwatched for months so I thought what a better way than to break out of the horror realm for this blog briefly. So I decided to watch Masters of the Universe as the only one on the collection that could be described as having a genuine cult following. There are definitely issues. The Skeletor mask looks hilariously awful, like a bad Spirit Halloween costume, and it has a common problem with any of the facial prosthetics used in the film which is that they could not figure out how to keep the mouth moving looking weird and fake. None of the protagonists except Billy Barty as the purposefully hi

Ghost Rider (2007) - Hell, It Ain't Awful

  Last year when my best friends came back from a trip during which I watched their dogs, they came baring a gift knowing I am a sucker for box sets and DVD compilations: a used DVD two-pack of Ghost Rider and Hellboy. I’ve seen Hellboy enough times in my life to know I’m a fan, but I barely remember anything about Ghost Rider so yesterday I got it into my head that it might be a fun review for my blog that is something other than a straight forward horror film (although obviously having a lot of horror elements) and since I got too tired last night I watched it at the most appropriate period of time of the middle of morning while I was killing time until an afternoon appointment. As always, we start with the bad. The skull absolutely looks like it is out of PS2 game, how are you going to make a movie about a flaming skull dude and not just invest most of your budget into making sure the flaming skull looks good? On that note, most of the CGI also looks pretty bad even by 2007 standa

Jaws II (1978): We're Gonna Need an Even Bigger Boat

  Many months back I picked up a DVD with all the Jaws sequels for pretty cheap in a Family Dollar DVD rack, and because I’m a completionist I went ahead and picked up a used copy of the original Jaws on BluRay which I watched pretty quickly after I got it and enjoyed just as much if not even more than every previous viewing, it is almost a perfect film for what it is trying to accomplish, very few notes. Welp, it was finally time that I got around to justifying the original purchase that started it all. I watched Jaws 2. The most obvious changes for this sequel is that they apparently saw all the tickets they sold to teenagers for the original and thought “Hey, we’ll sell even more if we just put a bunch of random teenagers in the center of the film” without much though to giving them any real personality beyond a few stereotypical, throwaway lines in the early parts of the film and the fact that Sheriff Brody is now a very lonely man. Whereas so much of what made the original great